One of the interesting things I have discovered while traveling with the military is how much respect and common courtesy changes with the culture.
Now you don’t have to travel to other countries to see this. I will use California and Texas as my primary examples. Now I’m not talking about specific people here, just the general populous as I’ve viewed them. I grew up in California so I’m intimately familiar with the people. I had to work a long time to shed some of the things I discovered I didn’t like about the California mentality. My husband is Texan, born and bred. He’s a city boy, not a cowboy but I can’t tell you how many conversations we’ve had where we compare notes on the people of Texas and California. I lived 20 years in California and 6 years in Texas. With the familiarities of these two cultures and the two different extremes they represent I decided to use them as an example.
State Overview
Texas: they consider themselves their own country and are just hanging out with the United States for now. They still maintain their own government, and are ready to secede at any time. If you speak to any Texan they’ll swear up and down that they can maintain themselves as a separate country. Most of what I’ve seen, they probably can. I’ve also found a misconception that EVERY Texan seems to have that amuses me. “The Texas state flag is the only flag that can fly at the same height as the American Flag!” Where in fact both the US Flag Code and the Texas Flag Code state that if flown on the same pole, the American Flag will be at the top. When flown on separate flag poles, no flag will be higher than the American flag and no flag will be to the American flag’s own right. I was going to post all the code for you but it was long dry and boring but that’s the sum of it. ANY flag can be flown at the same height, the Texas flag isn’t special. Sorry folks!
California: They are so careful not to offend “them” but completely ignore the people near by them. They’re so defensive of everyone and so ready to not want to hurt or offend anyone I’ve heard talk of banning firearms in California! An amendment RIGHT! How true this is I’m not sure, I heard it from a man whom I trust but haven’t verified it. But the scary thing is, I believe it could happen there. California’s mentality is MEmemememe right up until they see something that might offend “them” and then they go on a holy tirade. An example of such would be if a passer-by smells bacon from a restaurant they would go to court against the owners because that bacon smell might offend the Muslims! Now this actually happened in the UK (and the owner and cook is Muslim) but I wouldn’t bat an eye if this happened in California.
Respect and Common Courtesy
California: I want to start with California here because that’s where I started. The general populous is extremely rude and self serving. Driving is a terrifying experience where you have to fight your way to get anywhere. Respect is not acknowledging the people around you. You don’t have a check-out clerk at the store, things just get done. You don’t have a server at your restaurants, the food and drinks just appear. “Hi, how are you today?” from your server or fast food worker is an invitation to start your order, not a polite greeting. People bump into you in a store without a word of apology. If you are stuck on the side of the road no one will pull over to help you. But this is a place where people won’t offend you otherwise. Everyone is so careful to be politically correct, in classrooms they have the “No child left behind” mentality. They are thin skinned and ready to (verbally) fight.
Texas: Respect goes a long way here. Sir and Ma’am are used for everyone from the youngest kid to the oldest adult. (In California it is very strange to hear those words. So much so that when I went home, my sister threatened to kick me every time I said them. I told her she’d be kicking me a lot) Driving isn’t as scary, folks are more likely to let you in a lane or out of a parking lot. Depending on where you’re at. But you also have to watch for the idiots who just don’t pay attention to anyone else. I’ve had more car accidents and near misses in Texas than I did in California. When you think about the difference in the number of people on the road it’s rather stunning. “Hi, how are you today?” is a courtesy that starts a conversation even from servers and other workers. It’s not ignored in Texas. Some men will open doors for women and let them through first. Everyone will pause to hold a door open to let you through if you’re close. They will open doors for people if their hands are full. “Excuse me” is used quite often. When people are bumped, when in the store and you need to pass in front of what someone is viewing. People WILL pull over if you’re stuck on the road. I can expect this from military folk for fellow military but when I was with my husband one day going to meet some friends the Eclipse overheated. Our friends came to give us a ride and while we were hanging out to wait for the tow truck, a civilian pulled over to ask us if we needed anything! I can’t tell you how shock and touched I was. And when it comes to one person’s feelings the Texas mentality is “grow thicker skin”. They won’t walk up to you and start insulting you but they won’t go out of their way to not insult someone. If the bacon is cooking, just don’t eat it.
California Girl in Texas Life
When I first left California I entered into the true melting pot: The military. I had a friend of mine in Tech School from Georgia who would open doors and let me through. I felt so shy and so strange that some one would *gasp* actually do something nice for me that I trained him to let me open doors for myself. I had the California Feminist mentality of “I can do it myself!”. I had to learn that it wasn’t about me not being able to do it myself, it was about courtesy. When I got to my base here in Texas I had a good friend who grew up in Texas who would always open the car door for me. More retraining! At that point I could accept that someone could take a second of their time and wait for me to go through a door, but to make the effort of opening the passenger side car door, closing it, and walking all the way back around to his driver side was difficult for me to allow. I had that same shy feeling again. It took me a bit of time to accept this and ended up making a game of it. He quickly learned not to unlock the car until he was at my door. But when he married, his wife and I managed to get the best of him once 😀 He could only manage to open one of our doors while the other ducked in unassisted! Victory!
My husband carries things for me. Again I had to shift from the “I can do it myself!” mentality and accept that he was being a gentleman and doing something nice. I even let him open doors for me! He doesn’t open car doors on a regular basis which is probably for the best. That still is kind of weird to me.
Conclusion
There is no right or wrong here, I just wanted to share my experience. I find it interesting how different the culture is in two different places can vary so much even within the same country. I always thought that it took traveling to a different country to experience a different culture. And I’ve got to say it’s fun bringing the military culture to a non-military city. It’s really amazing how easy it is to brighten someone else’s day by just acknowledging their presence and treating them with a little respect. Especially for people in the customer service industry that little bit goes a long way to surviving the day.
Military Oxymoron 